Around these parts, 2015 still hasn't even been properly sent off (I have an opportunity to see Miguel Gomes's Arabian Nights trilogy in mid-January and so help me, I shall not consider my movie year complete until I have. So you'll just have to keep waiting on my top 10), but we might as well ring in the New Year by taking a look at the kick-off to 2016. It's a January film slate. What's there to say?
8.1.2016
Upon watching the trailer for the horror film The Forest, set in the "Suicide Forest" at the base of Mount Fuji, two thoughts leap to mind:
1) It looks damn tasteless.
2) And yet somehow less tasteless than Gus Van Sant's The Sea of Trees.
The other wide release (other than the expansion of the Last of the Oscar Hopefuls, The Revenant), is The Masked Saint, which from every angle I look at it appears to be a revenge thriller starring a pastor, made for a religious audience. There is a possibility that Most Fascinating Release of 2016 is already all sewn up.
15.1.2016
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, IT'S THE MICHAEL BAY BENGHAZI MOVIE. This is the most astonishingly classy mixture of director and subject since... well since Roland Emmerich made a Stonewall movie (I'm unreasonably disappointed that I'm going to have to miss that one before I complete my Year in Review - the bottom 10 needs just as much TLC as the top 10, y'all). Best-case scenario is that it makes a perfect double feature with Pearl Harbor. Or maybe that's the worst-case? Well, it's some scenario, anyway.
Meanwhile, the year's first largely unnecessary sequel comes along, in the form of Ride Along 2, though given that the original was one of the biggest January releases ever, it's hardly unexpected.
The year's first entirely unnecessary animated feature comes along too, with Norm of the North, whose trailers promise some of the most viscerally unattractive computer animation ever given wide release.
22.1.2016
The Januarys hit hardest in the pentultimate weekend of the month. Among the wide releases are The Boy, about a nanny who comes to believe that the doll she's been hired to babysit is actually alive. And y'know, all the love in the world to anybody who dives right into a shlocky concept that feels like it was mothballed in the 1950s. But I don't think I need to justify why this one sounds pretty damn dodgy.
In fairness, while the other wide releases are equally stupid, at least they have real stars and that gives them the illusion of being legitimate: in The 5th Wave, Chloë Grace Moretz, Liev Schreiber, and Maria Bello fight aliens. And in Dirty Grandpa, Robert De Niro swears and talks about sex and stuff, while Zac Efron feels helpless. Comedy allegedly ensues.
29.1.2016
Thank the good Lord, here comes Kung Fu Panda 3 to save the day. And while it's never a great sign when our savior is a DreamWorks Animation threequel, Kung Fu Panda 2 already managed to be one of the best animated sequels of its generation, dropping hardly at all or indeed not dropping in quality from the adorable, brightly funny Kung Fu Panda. So I think it's fair to be optimistic, even with the grossly unpromising release date.
Elsewhere, we find the Chris Pine-led The Finest Hours, a movie about a sea disaster, and Fifty Shades of Black, a parody made by the exact creative team as A Haunted House and A Haunted House 2. Because, I mean, the title was just right there, I guess.
Allegedly, the much-benighted Jane Got a Gun is also finally coming out, but I honestly don't know if I'm going to believe that even after I've sat through it and the credits are rolling; the simpler explanation might just be that I've hallucinated the whole experience.
01 January 2016
8 comments:
Just a few rules so that everybody can have fun: ad hominem attacks on the blogger are fair; ad hominem attacks on other commenters will be deleted. And I will absolutely not stand for anything that is, in my judgment, demeaning, insulting or hateful to any gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or religion. And though I won't insist on keeping politics out, let's think long and hard before we say anything particularly inflammatory.
Also, sorry about the whole "must be a registered user" thing, but I do deeply hate to get spam, and I refuse to take on the totalitarian mantle of moderating comments, and I am much too lazy to try to migrate over to a better comments system than the one that comes pre-loaded with Blogger.
Ill say you need to wait. There are several gaps in your list this year (some good some bad) which should be filled. I can give recommendations if you like once you start "movies i missed in 2015".
ReplyDeleteCan we have a quick most anticipated films for 2016? Preferably 10. Doesnt have to be.
Have fun with Your PHD!
I find myself almost unreasonably nervous about "Kung-Fu Panda 3"; never mind the unfortunate lack of confidence betrayed by its release date (in fairness more likely to do with KFP 2's peculiar and unfortunately under-performing opening than anything relating to the movie's actual quality), the trailers thus far give me a deeply unnerving sense that this is the movie I feared KFP 2 would turn out to be. It's far from hopeless, and I'll all but surely see it opening weekend, but especially after KFP 2 managed to so strongly surpass my expectations...well, I'm crossing my fingers really, REALLY tight.
ReplyDeleteIs Norm of the North the final production of that one supposedly cursed Eskimo movie? You know, the one that John Belushi, Sam Kinison, and John Candy supposedly signed on to just before they died?
ReplyDeleteDo you allow death pools on your blog, Tim?
I gotta admit that I'm worried about Kung Fu Panda 3. Kung Fu Panda 1 was good. Kung Fu Panda 2 was amazing. Kung Fu Panda 3, though, has the misfortune of being brought to us by the same Dreamworks that made How to Train Your Dragon 2 and Home.
ReplyDeleteIt will probably have some real strengths, but I don't know that it will come anywhere near Dreamworks' greatest heights.
At least hopefully De Niro's digging is keeping him fit. He still has a way to go before catching up to Pacino's lone Jack and Jill. Hey, maybe another Xmas Parents sequel: A Cold Fock in Hell?
ReplyDeleteSomewhat nervous about Kung Fu Panda 3. Like Matt, I really liked Kung Fu Panda a lot but thought Kung Fu Panda 2 was better in every way (I actually saw Kung Fu Panda 2 first and I am still wowed at the rich vision it painted for me that day). Honestly, the main reason it's getting it's current release date is because it's a goldmine release date for China, being in the holiday with the local films that Hollywood films normally can't get near. While it is a January release date, since it's the fifth Friday of the year, it will play out more like the first weekend of February. And if it means it does really well for a month, all is well. Look at how The Lego Movie and the recent Spongebob Movie did there, both surpassing expectations by a wide margin, commercially and critically. I'm more worried about it's performance here in the British Isles - March 18th, and it has to deal with Zootopia but a week later. Not good.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm super excited, and while I do personally believe Kung Fu Panda 2 will probably remain the best film in the trilogy, at least to me, like how Empire did with Star Wars, I'm confident this won't be a Empire > Jedi drop of quality, not even close. It may even be better then the first one. We'll see.
didn't know so many people liked Kung Fu Panda? I can take it or leave it.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm excited for, despite already seeing it through torrents, is the long awaited US release of Isao Takahata's Only Yesterday, premiering in NYC on January 1, and then supposedly expanding after that. It probably won't come to a theater near me, but it will be wonderful to be able to buy an actual disc of such a phenomenal and underseen classic.
Also Criterion is going to release A Brighter Summer Day in a few months, and I can't wait for that either.
Andrew - If true, that is thus far the only interesting thing about "Norm of the North". It's something about a polar bear having to go to the city to save his home. The whole thing is told via nearly "Foodfight" level ghastly CGI. It stands with that Foosball Table Comes To Life And Helps Real Soccer Players movie as Animated Features I Saw The Trailer For On A Theater Screen Yet I Still Refuse To Believe They Are Real.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of Movies I Saw The Trailer For On A Theater Screen Yet I Still Refuse To Believe They Are Real, how about "The Fifth Wave"? Good to see the "Independance Day" sequel is going to have its equivalent to "The Arrival".